What Is It About You?
by sweet.afterlight
Summary: What is it about you that makes me want to slam you up against a wall and do unspeakable things to you, but also makes me want to protect you?" How newboy Remus went from victim of the popular Sirius Black to his closest friend. Contains RLSB slash.
1. Prologue

_**PROLOGUE**_

"Alright, fine. I'll do it."

I groaned inwardly as I said it. I had known from the beginning that I was going to give in, but it had seemed appropriate to put up some sort of a fight. At least that way I'd have the satisfaction of knowing that I'd been coerced into this whole business. Not that it ever helped when I was faced with a week of detentions afterwards.

Peer pressure was something that played a large part in my life. Well, not peer _pressure_ so much as peer _persuasion_. And Sirius Black was probably the persuasive person I knew. All he had to do was grin at me, and raise his eyebrows in that classic Padfoot-smirk and all the common sense just drained out of me.

I don't know how I ended up in the most trouble-causing group of students in Gryffindor House, maybe even in the whole school. I liked to think of myself as the sensible, level-headed type. But here I was, sitting in the common room sipping smuggled butterbeer while everyone else was fast asleep.

"Alright!" Sirius exclaimed, raising his jug of butterbeer enthusiastically. He was sprawled on the sofa next to me, his hand resting just above my knee; his feet propped up on a pillow conjured to float in midair. "Now we're talking!"

James grinned lazily, twirling his wand between his fingers. If I had thought it would have had any effect whatsoever, I would have warned him that it was against the rules of basic wand-safety. But as it was, rules meant even less to James than they did to your average fifteen-year-old boy. Instead of saying anything, I just let out another heartfelt sigh.

"Now stop it, Remus." Sirius said with mock-disapproval, but his eyes smiled affectionately. "There's no need for that world-weary sigh of yours. This is an amazing plan and you should be _honoured _to be a part of it."

I stifled yet another groan. If I had a galleon for every time an 'amazing' plan of Sirius's had ended in utter disaster, it would fill the largest vault in Gringotts. But still, I had agreed to take part. All because of a certain long-haired dark-eyed peer of mine.

"Now, my fellow conspirators, all we have to do is finalize the finer points of this magnificent endeavour," James was always at his most arrogant when in the midst of some sort of wrong-doing. The girls loved it when oozed overconfidence, but as his friend I found it slightly ridiculous. I rolled my eyes, but I couldn't help from smiling at the infectiousness of his attitude. "We'll have to split up to maximise the effectiveness of this venture. Sirius and his werewolf can form half of the team, and Wormtail and I will be the other."

I flushed. It was a known fact that I 'belonged' to Sirius, but it still made me embarrassed when people referred to it so openly. Sometimes, even now, I still marvelled at the strangeness of it. Sirius Black - the confident, handsome, ridiculously popular Sirius Black – was associated with me. It had taken so long for it to happen, and the road that took us to where we are now hadn't been an easy one to tread. But now here we were, sprawled out next to each other, planning another piece of mischief, his arm touching mine and his warm gaze resting on me.

"I love it when you blush like a girl," Sirius murmured into my ear, the feeling of his breath against the side of my face sending shivers down my spine. I squirmed with a mixture of mortification and the feelings stirred by his face so near mine, and he chuckled softly.

"Keep it to the bedroom!" James grinned, lobbing a crumpled piece of parchment at us. It hit me on the jaw, and Sirius ran his fingers through my hair and pulled my head onto his shoulder.

"No bullying my Remus, James." He growled, his voice slightly slurred from an excess of butterbeer, running a fingertip lightly along the rim of my ear and down my neck. I shivered again, and I felt his grip tighten on my leg. James just laughed, tossing his wand into the air, sending sparks flying from the tip.

"_No bullying my Remus..." _I loved hearing him say that, even though it made me feel like a five-year-old. But it was strange, considering that a few months ago _he_ had been the one doing the bullying. It seemed like years ago.

"I'm knackered," James said with a gargantuan yawn, stretching his arms above his head. "And I can see that you two are getting into one of _those_ moods. The plan will commence tomorrow night. Come on, Wormtail." He stood, saluted us, and made his way up to the dormitories, Peter jumping up to follow him.

The candles flickered gently, sending warm shadows over the walls of the common room. Sirius took a last sip of butterbeer and placed his bottle on the floor.

"So," he said, his voice a low murmur. "I've got you all to myself."

I looked up at him, feeling a familiar feeling stir in my lower stomach. I looked up at him, and the corner of his mouth quirked up as he gazed at me with eyes as dark as the night outside.

"What is it about you," Sirius muttered "That makes me want to slam you up against a wall and do unspeakable things to you..." he moved his hand further up my thigh "...but also makes me want to gather you up and protect you from all the shit in the world." I blushed, as I always did, as he stared at me intently.

"When we first met, you seemed particularly keen on the 'slamming up against a wall part'." It slipped out, I couldn't help myself. I instantly regretted it.

Sirius looked at me, his expression pained.

"I know I was an arrogant bastard, Remus." He ran his fingers through his hair anxiously. I opened my mouth to protest, but he waved a hand to silence me. "No, it's true. I don't know why I acted that way... Actually, that's a lie. I do know why. I didn't understand why one nervous look from you had more effect on me than getting naked with anyone else, and it pissed me off." He laughed bitterly, and once again I tried to interrupt. He shot me an authoritative, uniquely Sirius look, that closed my mouth instantly.

"I'm not finished," Sirius said in a low, commanding voice that made my heart race. "I regret every time I ever made you upset or scared, and I know it that it happened a lot of times. To be honest, I think I'll always regret it. Yeah, I'm not great at apologies, but it's true."

I opened my mouth to speak a third time, but was cut off by Sirius's mouth on mine. My heart was positively pounding by now. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me closer to him, his lips moving over mine in ownership.

As the evening continued, all thoughts of the past were blown right out of my mind. However, later that night when I lay half-atop Sirius, almost asleep, my mind wandered back to where it all started – up against a wall...

_More coming, I think. Reviews, please?_


	2. Up Against A Wall

**_CHAPTER ONE_**

_**Note:** I know that technically, Remus becomes friend with Sirius, James and Peter within his first year or two at Hogwarts, but I'm taking a little creative licence and changing things around a little bit._

On a scale of 1 to Unfortunate, my situation would probably be deemed roughly Disastrous. 

Yes, I had always been different. But not in a conspicuous way. I was _surreptitiously _different – a quiet boy who didn't have any friends - but wasn't noticeable enough to get picked on. I was intelligent – thank Merlin – so it wasn't as if I had any particular stupidity to distinguish me from the crowd. Neither did I make a point of answering questions and avoided teachers' praise, so I couldn't be accused of being a know-it-all. I tried not to make eye contact, only spoke when making nervous polite conversation, and spent most of my free time sat inconspicuously in the common room.

All in all, I had made every possible effort not to be noticed. And up until now it had been working.

To be honest, I hadn't expected my little pretence to last forever. I knew that at _some_ point someone was going to discover – if not my shape-shifting secret – at least that I wasn't normal. But even by my standards, it was spectacularly unlucky that Sirius Black should turn out to be that someone.

"So, the name's _Remus_, isn't it?" He was speaking casually and almost jovially, which was strange considering it was his fist that clenched a handful of my shirt and was pressing me quite painfully up against a wall. "Would you care to explain to me why I'm facing _two weeks _of detentions?"

This was a difficult question. It wasn't made easier by the fact that quite an impressive crowd had gathered around us.

"Well?" Sirius asked, tightening his grip on the front of my shirt. I hoped he couldn't feel how fast my heart was beating. I resisted the urge to squirm.

It really _hadn't_ been my fault, but I could tell that that wasn't going to be much help in this situation. It had the average lesson; me keeping my head down, staying inconspicuous. I hadn't been paying attention to what was going on until I heard surprised shouts and yells from around me. Looking up, I was rather surprised to notice that about half the desks in the classroom were whizzing around in the air.

Chaos had ensued. Our charms professor went white, and began shouting and waving his wand, to little effect. Students were screaming and throwing themselves to the floor, narrowly avoiding decapitation. Several of the girls burst into hysterical sobs as the heavy desks sped around the classroom, smashing everything in their path.

"Who is doing this?" shrieked the professor, trying desperately to target one of the airborne desks. "_Who _is doing this? Stop it at once!"

And that's where it all went horribly wrong. It wasn't my fault that I knew that this sort of magic would require quite a bit of concentration. And it wasn't my fault that I quickly spotted the only person _not_ running around screaming. And also wasn't my fault that I instinctively flung out my arm, and shouted: "It's him!"

It was only a matter of seconds before the professor had dodged through the spiralling desks and grabbed the culprit by his arm.

Sirius Black.

Suddenly the class went quiet. The desks swooped ungracefully back down to the floor, and all was still. I looked around, and found every single pair of eyes focused on me.

The girls – who had been sobbing a minute ago – glared at me with unconcealed venom. The rest of the class – who had just been screaming with terror – now showed on their faces varying degrees of shock or disgust. And no face was more disgusted than that of Sirius.

"It was just a prank, sir." He said, and although he was speaking to the teacher, his narrowed eyes were trained right at me.

_A prank_ – one the whole class had been in on. That's when I had begun to realise just how badly I had made a mess of things.

So it wasn't a surprise that no-one made a squeak of protest when Sirius shook me roughly, pulling me forward before slamming me back against the wall again. His handsome face was set in a passive expression, but his eyes were dark and flashing with anger.

"You really want to answer me, Remus." I swallowed hard. His tone was starting to lose any trace of casualness.

I really _did _want to answer him, but for some reason no words came to mind. I just stared at him, my eyes wide and my heart racing - wondering if I'd end up covered in hexes, or if I'd escape with just a black eye.

Sirius shot me a look of utter scorn as I looked up at him uneasily, trying not to wriggle against his painful grip.

"Sirius – just leave him. He's probably wet himself already." It was James Potter. Although I was desperately grateful for his intervention, I felt my cheeks redden with humiliation. Sirius smirked and let go of me. I almost collapsed without his grip on my shirt to hold me up.

"When a teacher asks what happened, you know what to do." Sirius said, the lazy relaxed tone back in his voice. He flicked his wand at me, muttering a spell under his breath. I flinched and cringed, then instantly hated myself for doing so.

A second later I felt an invisible force barrel into my chest, flinging me into the air and back against the wall. I hung just a metre or so above the ground, suspended there by a pressure against my shoulders and upper body. My face turned an even deeper shade of crimson – if that was possible - as Sirius turned and sauntered away with his posse, the remaining students snickering or grinning.

I couldn't help it. I closed my eyes and wished desperately that I could disappear.

Of course, it _would_ be the case that one of the people I shared a room with was Sirius Black. This usually meant that James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were in the room as well, sitting on Sirius's bed or the floor near it, chatting and laughing late into the night. It had never really affected me much before – I had perfected a charm for sound-proofing my bed many years ago. All I had to do was draw the curtains, wave my wand, and I had a perfect little sanctuary. For a night a month or more I didn't sleep there anyway, but to be honest I don't think that anyone ever noticed my absence.

Well, _that_ was all about to change.

I had dangled in the air for a good half hour before a teacher found me. They hadn't even bothered to ask how I had gotten there – not that I would have even considered telling them anyway. I may have been an idiot, but I wasn't suicidal.

I had been late for my next lesson – potions – which meant I had to enter the class after everyone had already found their seats. I entered to a fanfare of snickering and whispering from Gryffindors and Slytherins alike, desperately avoiding looking anywhere near Sirius. I was aware of the gazes focused on my throughout the whole lesson, and even when I looked straight down I could see people leaning over to mutter to their friends. I assured myself that it would pass, and thankfully by the end of the day people seemed to have forgotten about it, or at least lost interest.

All except for one person.

_Thanks for the reviews! Now, more! More!_


	3. In Between Bookshelves

**_CHAPTER TWO_**

_**Note:** I'm really not sure what kind of story this is. It keeps swinging between romantic, angsty and humourous. I keep changing my mind. I think that most of the humour and romance will come later? I'm not sure._

Trying to fall asleep whilst crushing yourself up into a ball becomes easier with practise.

By the end of the week, I fount it almost comforting to lie on my side and draw my knees right up to my chest. Not that I had much choice in the matter. Call me a coward, but there was no way in hell that I was sleeping in the same room as Sirius Black.

It was half-fear, and - perhaps ridiculously - half-pride that kept me from ascending the stairs into the dormitories. Instead, I spent my nights balled up on a sofa in the corner of the common room. Surprisingly, nobody had noticed me yet. I put it down to the dim lighting of the common room combined with years of practise at being a nobody. I stayed up late into the night in the library, sitting wedged between two bookshelves so that I went unseen by the librarian. It was only in the early hours of the morning that I returned to the common room – forced to do so by sheer exhaustion.

The days were difficult too. The sheer amount of influence that Sirius Black had over his peers astounded me. The students placed in Gryffindor House usually frowned upon bullying and suchlike, but everyone seemed to turn a blind eye to the way Sirius treated me. Maybe they all felt I deserved it.

I had only one thing to be thankful for – Sirius always stopped short of downright violence. Yes, he pushed me around, but he never actually hit or hexed me. Not that that was particularly comforting when my books were pushed off the desk onto the floor, or my robes splattered with ink. And all the while Sirius never even said a word– he just casually went about making my life a misery with a seeming lack of interest.

I could get through it. It wasn't _that_ bad. I mean, he wasn't smashing my head in or anything. Things would improve. He couldn't hate me forever… could he?

More than anything, it was the lack of sleep that was getting to me. Every night I jerked awake countless times, squinting through the darkness to check if anyone was there. I found it hard to concentrate on lessons, and I would close my eyes for just a moment only to find that half an hour had passed and I was late again.

The phrase 'a living hell' often came to mind.

The typical evening featured me curled up in my usual corner of the library, and although my eyes were closed, I was doing my best not to fall asleep. It was proving extremely difficult. The library was completely silent, and it was almost possible to believe that I was the only person in the whole school. Although I knew I should get up and go back to the common room, I simply couldn't. I had reached such a point of complete exhaustion that I was physically unable to move even a muscle. The week of constant nervousness and sleeplessness had taken its toll.

I was about to fall utterly into the dark depths of sleep, when I heard voices. Any other time I would have leapt up, but I was beyond caring. The librarian could find and expel me, for all it mattered.

"Sirius, James!" a slightly whining voice whispered urgently. "Look!"

I heard the name, and I knew what it would mean, but the school would have to collapse before I opened my eyes. Fine. Whatever. Sirius could do anything he wanted; I wasn't going to move.

"Shhh, Peter!" It was James Potter. So, the whole posse was here. "We'll get caught if you keep leaping at every shadow."

"No, really! There's someone there," Peter insisted. I heard a weary sigh.

"Peter, just shut- Wait! You're right, there _is _someone there! Take off the cloak!"

I heard three sets of footsteps coming towards me, then a startled exclamation.

"Well! Sirius, if it isn't your terrified little friend." James sounded both amused and surprised. I felt the toe of a shoe nudge me. "It looks as if he's asleep."

"He looks like he's dead. Come on, let's keep going." Peter sounded genuinely worried that he had just discovered the corpse of one of his peers, and wanted to escape the scene before someone appeared and blamed him for the death.

"There're bloody massive dark circles under his eyes." James's voice was almost impressed. "It doesn't look like he's slept for months. Maybe you should go a bit easier on him, Sirius."

Up until this point, I hadn't been aware of Sirius's silence, but now the moment of quiet that ensued seemed louder than a yell. Suspense gripped my insides like a vice, and I knew that a lot depended on Sirius's response. Hating myself for it, I silently begged him to agree. _Please…please…_

"Yeah," Sirius's voice a low growl. "Yeah, maybe I should. It's not like he's a Slytherin or anything… Anyway, he looks as if he's about to have a nervous breakdown."

I couldn't believe my ears. The relief that washed over me was so strong that I almost cried. Did I really just hear that? Could it possibly be that Sirius was _actually_ going to start leaving me alone?

"You go on ahead. Take the cloak; I'll be right behind you."

I was still coming to terms with what I had just heard, so I almost missed Sirius's muttered words. A few moments later I heard footsteps leaving the library, and then silence.

The hush went on for so long that I was half-asleep when I suddenly heard someone crouch down beside me, their breathing soft in the quiet library. I waited.

"What is it about you?" It was whispered so softly that it was barely audible. "What do I want from you?" An instant later, I felt a hand cupping the side of my face, a thumb gently tracing the curve of my lower lip.

_What was going on?!_

I was so completely shocked that I flinched sharply, my eyes snapping open. Forget the school collapsing – _this _woke me up far more thoroughly!

Sirius knelt in front of me, his dark hair falling over one eye. When he saw that I was awake he jerked back, his arm whipping away from my face as if I had burned him.

"How long have you been awake?" he bellowed, his voice echoing through the library. His eyes – which had been wide and bewildered a second ago – were now narrowed and flashing. I opened my mouth and blinked, searching for words.

"What did you hear? _How long were you awake_?" He grabbed my collar with both hands and yanked me forwards, shaking me violently. I gasped and tried desperately to speak. He slammed me back against the bookshelves, sending books cascading down in a thunderous crash to the floor.

"I…I…" I couldn't get any further than that. Footsteps were running towards us, lights flickering on around the library.

"Shit!" muttered Sirius, letting go of me suddenly. I dropped painfully to the ground, so dazed and confused that I could barely think.

"What is this? What's going on!" The librarian towered over us, red-faced and shrieking, surrounded by several teachers.

"Erm, just a bit of late-night reading." Sirius got to his feet, shoving his hands into his pockets, standing amongst the wreckage. "You know – when you get that unstoppable midnight urge for literature, nothing will suffice except a trip to the library…!" For once, my inability to speak when under pressure seemed to be a good thing. The teachers before us seemed to be suffering internal haemorrhaging as they all turned the same livid shade of red.

" Well, Black, I think right now _nothing will suffice_ except a week of detentions! And fifty points from Gryffindor!" The librarian seemed unable to speak, so one of the teachers had stepped in. "And that goes for you as well, Lupin! Now _get _up and _get _into your beds or you'll find yourselves in even more trouble than you are already!"

I stumbled to my feet, swaying slightly. I didn't dare to look anywhere near Sirius. Oh god – a _week_ of detentions with him. A week! I may as well just dig my own grave and be done with it.

Sirius strode ahead of me, and I purposefully took as long as was humanly possible to return to the common room. If I had thought the past few days had been bad, things were about to get a whole lot worse. As I walked through the dark corridors, though, something other than my impending doom kept flitting through my thoughts. A hand resting on my cheek… a finger running over my lip… a puzzled and almost desperate-sounding whisper…

I was definitely in for a complicated week.

_Reviews are what keep me going! Without them, I don't know what people want out of the story :)_


	4. Curled Into A Ball

**_CHAPTER THREE_**

_**Note:** Sorry for the delay! THANKS SO MUCH FOR THE REVIEWS! They keep me writing. Ok, a lot of angst here, but after this chapter the story will really get started! I have so many ideas..._

_He shot me an oh-so-familiar nervous glance, his eyes wide and vulnerable in his pale face. We were in a familiar position; my fist gathering a handful of his shirt while he trembled against the wall. I could tell that he was trying not to look afraid, trying not to struggle. It pissed me off, yet it made my chest ache with shame at the same time. I was confused, and angry with myself, and I was making it blatantly obvious with every shove. How was he managing to stay so still and silent? _

_Suddenly everything changed, the scene sliding away like sand. I was still pressing him against the wall, but now I wasn't the intimidator or the aggressor. It was a feeling very different to anger that made me grip his shirt so tightly that my hand ached. Only his eyes remained the same, large and dark. This time he wasn't shaking with fear or biting his lower lip apprehensively. He was just watching me, his eyes reaching deep inside and pulling up everything that lurked there._

_I pressed him harder against the wall, something rushing through me that was too intense to ignore. I pushed one of my legs between his, the pressure of his body crushed against mine feeling so right, so __**perfect**__, that my heart began to pound. He was still looking up at me with those clear searching eyes, but his breathing had quickened, coming in short bursts from between slightly parted lips. I moved my free hand, slipping it into his robes and under his shirt. I feathered my fingertips lightly along his side, tracing over his ribs and hip. He shuddered violently, arching against me. A low sound – something between a growl and a moan – escaped my lips. I lowered my mouth to his, just gently brushing his lips with mine. He put his hands up around my neck, gripping tightly, parting his lips and standing on tiptoe to press himself harder into my arms…_

Sirius woke with a jolt, his breathing quick and heavy. The first rays of soft morning sun were drifting around the edges of the curtains, painting his features in a glowing, pale light. His jaw was tense and his cheeks flushed, and he shook as his pulled himself into a sitting position. I watched him with interest and confusion, squinting to make sure that he didn't notice I was awake. Had he been having a nightmare?

It was a strange thought that Sirius could even _have _nightmares. He had too much control over himself, too much confidence. Watching him drop his face into his hands and hunch his shoulders was almost surreal. I was extremely glad he didn't realise that I was-

"I know you're awake."

He was barely whispering, but his voice shocked me as much as an explosion. Idiotically, I jerked my knees up to my chest and buried my face in my arms. Yes, it was incredibly childish. Yes, it was incredibly illogical. Yes, it was incredibly _embarrassing_. But that's what sleeping on an armchair for nights on end does to you.

My cheeks reached new and exciting shades of crimson as I heard Sirius's unconcealed snort of laughter. My only consolation was that he couldn't see how deeply I was blushing. It was too late to uncurl myself now – if I admitted I was awake it would make the situation infinitely worse. At least this way I could _pretend _to have some sort of dignity left. And maybe there were some people who _did_ roll up into balls while they were asleep. Some sort of self-defence mechanism...

"You're like a fucking five-year-old." Sirius's voice was amused and derisive. I bit down hard on my lower lip. Humiliation burned within me so fiercely that it was physically painful. "Whatever. Pretend to be asleep. I'll see you in detention this evening." He hadn't actually threatened me, but he didn't need to. I was dreading it quite enough already.

Whether it was a result of the torturous anticipation of what was to come, or the lack of sleep or food, I felt overwhelmingly dizzy and ill. It worsened as the day progressed, and by 8 o'clock – half an hour before the detention – my head was spinning wildly.

Thirty minutes. Thirty minutes left to wait and torture myself even further. Time had dragged by with unbelievable slowness during the previous week, but today it had rushed through my fingers like sand. The hours had disappeared in huge gulps, drawing ever closer to the detention I was dreading.

I leant against the wall of the empty corridor, my stomach clenched into a painful knot of dread. What was the worst Sirius could do to me? He couldn't kill me, or even seriously injure me. But somehow, that thought didn't help in the slightest.

I swallowed hard. For some inexplicable reason, one dirty look from Sirius Black was worse than being beaten to a pulp by anyone else. It did something to my insides; made me shake and wince and embarrass myself. Why?

My jaw clenched, and I took a deep breath. For the first time, I was angry. Alright, I had got Sirius in trouble and he'd made me pay. Fine. I had accepted that. But _this_ was just ridiculous. Why should I spend all my time trembling and worrying about what he was going to do to me next? I was just being pathetic. What could he do to me, really?

_Why doesn't he like me?_

The question sounded clearly in my mind, loud and impossible to ignore. Furious tears pricked my eyes.

_I just want to be liked!_

I really was pathetic. It was such a pointless desire. It wasn't Sirius's fault; it wasn't _anybody's_ fault that people disliked me. I had no one to blame but myself. It was a thought that had plagued me from childhood. I was different – a _werewolf_ – but a part of me still hoped that I'd find friends. That I'd be accepted. I knew how pitiable my desperation to be liked was, but I couldn't help it.

I whirled around, and slammed my fist hard into the wall in front of me.

Pain jolted all the way up my arm, making me gasp. Tears ran faster down my face. I was so unbelievably pathetic; punching walls and crying like a child. I was an embarrassment. I was a-

"Holy shit!" the exclamation was low and fervent. Someone caught my arm from behind, just as I was about to hit the wall again. An arm curled around my waist and pulled me backwards, and I stumbled into someone taller than me. Blindly, I tried to wrench my arm away, but the Someone was far stronger. I struggled, not wanting anyone to see me like this.

"Stop it, you idiot!" this time, I recognized the voice. I groaned, hanging my head and wiping my cheeks with my free hand.

Of course, the person holding me against them was Sirius Black.

The build-up of fatigue, pain and emotion had finally reached its peak. I slumped backwards, suddenly feeling so drained and exhausted that I could barely stand. The arm around my waist and the grip on my wrist were practically the only things keeping me on my feet.

"You know what?" my voice was quiet, but it didn't shake. "You win. Seriously, I've stopped caring. Hate me. Do whatever you want." I didn't even bother to wipe away the fresh tear that ran down my left cheek. "You've won."

Silence. Seconds passed without a sound, the only noise in the corridor my hitching breathing.

"That's the first time you've said anything to me, you know." Sirius's voice was barely more than a growl, but it wasn't intimidating or sarcastic. It merely sounded confused.

Dizziness rushed through me, stronger than before, and I stumbled against him again. Black sparks flickered in front of my eyes, and darkness began to seep from the corners of my vision. I felt arms sweep under the back of my knees and waist, scooping me up into the air. I tried to struggle, but it was as if I were deep underwater.

"We're in enough trouble as it is. Missing one detention won't hurt." The voice sounded like it were far away. I opened my mouth, tried to reply, but everything slipped far away, and I fell into a place where no one could reach me.


	5. Corridors to Common Rooms

**_CHAPTER FOUR_**

_**Note:** I hope everyone enjoys! Keep the feedback coming :) _

Consciousness seeped into my mind, languid and slow. I was lying somewhere soft and warm – definitely not the corridor. Where was I? I wanted to open my eyes, but tiredness and nausea made them heavy. My head was no longer spinning, but some remnants of the earlier dizziness remained.

Gradually, I became aware of a strong ache in my wrist and arm. I wriggled slightly, trying to flex my fingers. Pain jolted sharply from my knuckles to my elbow, and I hissed involuntarily.

"Stop that."

My eyes shot open, and I flinched violently. I was lying on my side on one of the large sofas in the common room, not the cramped armchair I usually slept in. It was dimly lit, but I could still see the distinct form of the person sitting next to me. The person was, of course, Sirius Black. Just your average evening as Remus Lupin: confused and defenceless, and alone with the boy who hated you. I was rather used to this whole situation by now.

"W-what...?" I stuttered, trying to sit up. Sirius took a firm hold on my shoulder and pushed me back down. I blinked up at him, groggy and confused.

"Just rest. I don't want you dying or anything." Sirius removed his hand and gave me a stern look. I swallowed hard.

I wanted to ask him the time, or how I had gotten here, but I didn't quite dare. Also, I wanted to ask him why he wasn't sneering at me or pushing me around. But again, I didn't dare.

"You owe me." Sirius's tone was joking, but there was a catch in his voice that hinted at other emotions. I frowned up at him in bewilderment. "I carried you all the bloody way from that corridor. I didn't do anything about your wrist, though. I thought that taking you to the infirmary might have led to some awkward questions. I would have done some sort of spell on it, but I didn't want to be held responsible for screwing it up even more."

I just gazed up at him, my mind filling with questions, but none of them quite making it past my lips. Sirius looked back down at me, his eyes intense and glowing darkly in the soft light. I glanced to the left, awkwardly. A minute or so passed in absolute silence, a silence that went on, and on, and on. Seconds dripped by, slow and thick as honey. The stillness was becoming almost physically painful, the desire to fidget growing with each passing instant. What should I do? Why couldn't I bring myself to speak? I cast a furtive look back at Sirius. He was still staring at me, an eyebrow raised, the air heavy with tension.

I wanted to move, _needed_ to move, but I felt as if any motion would cause this unexpected calm to shatter. I lay still for another few tortuous seconds. Oh God, the absolute quiet was unbearable...

I couldn't help it. I squirmed, and nervously caught my lower lip between my teeth.

Something intangible changed in the air around us.

"Oh, fuck it." Sirius's voice was a low growl. He caught me by the shoulder and rolled me onto my back. My eyes widened, and my startled gasp was cut off as Sirius pressed his mouth onto mine.

_What!? Why...What was happening?!_

A dull ache throbbed in my lower stomach. A hot, tingling sensation ran through my veins as Sirius roughly held me down, his hands gripping my upper arms. I weakly attempted to struggle, but he was pinning me down almost completely. He kissed me fiercely, his lips pressing hard against mine. All thoughts of escape were dispelled utterly by the immovable way he held me fixed against the sofa

And even more worryingly, I realised didn't really _want_ to escape.

Suddenly it stopped. Sirius leapt back, as if burnt, releasing me and getting to his feet. I lay there, stunned, watching him uncertainly.

"Stop looking at me like that!" Sirius's breathing was quick, and his eyes were narrowed. But despite the angry tone to his voice, there was something in his expression that was anxious and bewildered. I blinked again, and averted my gaze quickly.

"Look," Sirius rubbed his jaw agitatedly. "I don't know what's going on. All I know is that you annoy the hell out of me, and you do...you do _weird_ things to me. I-I don't get what's happening."

"I'll stay out of your way," I spoke quickly, trying to keep my voice calm and casual. And failing. "And you can stay out of mine. I'm sorry that I got you stuck in detention, but I've paid for that now; it's over." My voice sped up nervously. "Let's just stop this whole...whole _conflict_. We can just avoid each other and ignore each other and pretend this never happened."

Sirius eyed me in silence, his mouth slightly open. I waited.

"Yeah," his voice was low and thoughtful. "Yeah, I guess that's for the best."

I breathed a sigh of relief, but somehow the relief was tinged with something uncomfortable. Why wasn't I overjoyed that we'd finally come to a truce?

"_We can just avoid each other and ignore each other and pretend this never happened..."_

Well, the avoiding and ignoring part didn't last for very long. I haven't the faintest idea how or why, but an instant later Sirius was atop me again.

His ran his hands through my hair and tilted my face up to his, running his lips along my jaw. My heart pounded with feverish excitement, and I gripped the fabric of the sofa tightly in one fist. I could feel Sirius's breath against my neck, and I stifled a groan.

Sirius caught my earlobe between his teeth and tugged sharply. I gasped and arched up against him, my hips pressing against his. Sirius's gasp followed a second later, and he moved his lips to mine, his tongue moving lightly inside my mouth. I tried to move, but pain shot through my wrist.

I flinched and gasped, pulling away, and Sirius sat back instantly.

"Sorry-" we both began at the same time. "My arm…" I explained, motioning at it awkwardly.

"Oh. Right." Sirius looked equally awkward. It wasn't something I was used to, and watching him look away and cough uneasily was strangely entertaining. "Well, _ahem_, that was, erm…unexpected."

"Yes, it was."

"Yeah... I don't know, really, why it uh…why it happened." Sirius was looking more and more awkward by the second. I felt the corners of my mouth twitching, but managed to keep my face composed. He may have been handsome, popular and sarcastic, but Sirius Black had finally found himself in a situation he didn't know how to handle.

"Well, it might have had something to do with you leaning down and kissing me, perhaps?" I kept my voice serious, but couldn't resist grinning slightly when Sirius fidgeted uncomfortably.

"Oh, well, yeah. I suppose it did…"

"And something to do with you biting my earlobe, I think." I continued helpfully, struggling not to laugh at the way Sirius ran his hand through his hair almost frantically.

"Yeah, well it wasn't just me," he muttered gruffly. "You weren't exactly resisting."

"I never said I was."

"Good. Because…because you weren't. Resisting, I mean."

"No, you're right, I suppose I wasn't."

Sirius tugged at the collar of his shirt, shifting restlessly. Really, this was too entertaining.

"I suppose you'd better get some sleep. Unless you want to go to the infirmary,"

"No, I'm fine. If it isn't better by tomorrow then I'll go."

"Right then." Sirius seemed more relaxed now that he had a set plan of action. "Well, I'll give you a hand," he offered jovially. He got to his feet, and gave me a lot more than just a hand, grabbing me up and slinging me face-down over his shoulder in one easy movement.

"Oh!" I gasped, caught by surprise by the ease with which he picked me up. "Hey! I can walk by myself! I've only hurt my wrist! I'm fine, really, I can walk!"

"Yeah, I'm sure you could," I could _hear_ Sirius's lazy grin in his voice. "But I enjoy this quite a bit more."

I huffed and struggled, but without any real enthusiasm. I grabbed onto the back of his shirt as we began to ascend the stairs to the dormitories, blushing as he chuckled. Sirius held me securely, his hand at the small of my back, not seeming to be bothered by my added weight on his right shoulder.

Finally we reached the dormitories, and I hoped fervently that no one else was awake. Thankfully, they all appeared to be sound asleep, although it was difficult to tell from upside-down.

Sirius dumped me onto my bed, and I scrambled ungracefully into a sitting position. I glared up at him, but he merely smirked, amusement showing clearly on his face.

"I've wanted to do that for a while," he said, his voice hushed.

"What, throw me over your shoulder and parade around?" I muttered with annoyance.

"Well, that too, but I was talking more about what happened earlier."

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh',"

And his lips were on mine again, moving purposefully and slowly, his arms around me as he pushed me gently down onto the mattress. With one hand Sirius reached behind him and pulled the curtains surrounding the bed shut.

As we lay back, and darkness settled around us, I wondered if I'd wake up in the morning to find that it had all been a hallucination or something. Or even worse, some kind of joke. But I'd deal with all of that later. Right here, right now, I was lying with _Sirius Black_, our bodies intertwined and our lips together.

And good God, for what felt like the first time in years, I was happy.


	6. The Morning After

**_CHAPTER FIVE_**

_**Note:** Sorry this took so long in coming. This chapter is sort of a "turning point". After this, things'll hopefully get more exciting._

"Hey."

The word was whispered softly into my ear, breath tickling my neck. I flinched sharply, shooting over to the other side of the bed. It was still dark, so I assumed the others were asleep, but the faint light of morning was starting to filter through the hangings.

"Who...?!" I gasped, squinting through the semi-darkness frantically. I wasn't in my pyjamas, my arm ached dully, and something tugged at the back of my mind. What exactly had happened the night before? Something important…

The figure chuckled.

"It's Sirius, you idiot."

"Oh!" I whispered, relaxing slightly. Sirius! Everything came back to me in a sudden excited jolt of remembrance. Along with the excitement came a faint twinge of nervousness. Was Sirius still alright with everything? Was _I _still alright with everything? Where did we go from here, what happened now? I frowned, and chewed at my lower lip for what must have been the thousandth time in the past week.

"You were worrying." Sirius's drawl was lazy, amused, and almost affectionate. I glanced at him in confusion. "You get these little crinkles at the top of your nose, you know, between your eyebrows." Sirius explained.

"I do?" I asked, wondering whether it was a good or a bad thing.

"Yeah," Sirius said, grinning. "Now get yourself over here and stop _stressing_." He grabbed hold of me and half-dragged me across the bed towards him. I made a rather unexpected squeaking noise and turned over, trying feebly to wriggle away. Sirius didn't let go, and merely snorted with laughter as he pulled me up against him, pressing my back against his front.

I gave one final wriggle - just to preserve my dignity, you understand - and lay still.

"So, tell me." Sirius muttered it into my ear. "What were you worrying about?"

"Nothing," I muttered awkwardly, trying my best to sound casual. Which was tricky when lying in a rather intimate position with a boy who used to be your arch-enemy, but who was now wrapping his arms around you.

"Oh shut up," Sirius said jovially. "If you're going to pretend nothing's wrong, then do it better than _that_."

I grinned despite myself, but Sirius was right. I couldn't help but worry. How could anyone expect me not to? Also, there wasn't just _one_ thing I was worrying about. All the same, I decided I may as well start with something.

"Don't you… Well, don't you _hate _me?" It wasn't the most eloquent question I ever asked, but at least it was a start.

"No." The answer came slowly, and after a few moments of hesitation, but Sirius's voice was low and sure. "I don't hate you…I can't really…I'm sure…Well, I feel the same way I've felt all along, only now I actually _know_ what I'm feeling…" Sirius trailed off, not really having explained anything at all, but somehow having managed to make his point anyway.

I wondered if some things are just completely inexplicable – you can't predict them or understand them. They just _happen_. One day you're shoved about by someone, the next day you're pulled up against them. Although sometimes two people can make eye contact across a crowded room, and instantly like each other, it can also take much longer. One day, you might suddenly notice that the anger you thought you were feeling towards an enemy isn't really anger; it is something else entirely. Maybe sometimes things happen instantly, easily, and sometimes things take more time and effort, and a whole lot of confusion and worry along the way.

Of course, I didn't say any of that. I couldn't have put it into words even if I'd tried. I may have been completely mistaken about it all, anyway.

"Are you alright with… all of this?" Sirius said quietly. My answer came surprisingly easily, but it took me a couple seconds before I dared to say it.

"Yes."

"Look at me," Sirius muttered, helping me to roll over onto my back. He looked into my eyes, and I couldn't help but blush. Why did something as simple as eye-contact make me slightly embarrassed? I bit down on my lip even harder. "Are you _sure_ that you're alright?"

I nodded, and I was about to open my mouth, when Sirius suddenly made a startled exclamation.

"Shit! What're you _doing_ to yourself?" He was staring at me in mild horror. I blinked up at him, trying to figure out what on earth he was talking about. Sirius reached forward suddenly to cup my face with one hand, and I jerked away instinctively, wincing and recoiling from his touch.

Sirius pulled back, and his eyes widened for an instant as a look of startled hurt flashed through them. I had pressed myself back against the bed like a frightened child, moving out of habit without thinking.

"I'm not going to _hurt_ you…" His voice was low and slightly ashamed.

"I know!" I said quickly, but it was too late. Sirius sighed, and rubbed a hand over his forehead.

"Your lip," he explained quietly, tilting my chin up with a finger, moving very slowly this time. "It's bleeding."

I was suddenly aware of a stinging pain. I ran my finger over my lip tentatively. It was slightly swollen, and I was shocked to find that I had bitten it so hard that I had drawn blood. Sirius reached through the curtains and grabbed his wand from the bedside table. He tapped it to my mouth gently, and I could feel the blood disappearing from my face as the wand glowed softly.

"There." Sirius put down his wand. We looked at each other in silence, awkwardly. "_This_ is going to take some time to get used to, isn't it?" Sirius gave me a half-smile, and I returned it. My lip ached, and I winced.

"I'd better never see you doing that to your lip again, though." Sirius said, I couldn't tell if the command in his voice was serious or playful. Maybe it was a combination of both.

Sirius lay back, pulling me down and holding me to him again. I squirmed against him, and he let out a small choked moan, pressing himself harder against me. The tingling, pounding sensation flooded through me all over again. I was very glad that my back was to Sirius, because I had bitten right back down on my lip, although this time it was for a rather different reason.

"You're biting your lip again, aren't you?" Sirius asked me amusedly, his hand snaking up and clamping over my mouth. I would have gasped, but his hand stopped me from making any sound. "I _thought _so! You're so adorably predicable." Sirius pushed me onto my back, his hand still over my mouth. I marvelled at the way my powers of resistance turned to nothingness whenever he touched me. Sirius's attitude changed from second to second – from serious to teasing to authoritative - and although it confused me, it excited me as well.

"Adorable as you may be, however," Sirius muttered, holding me still, "I'd prefer it if you left any lip-biting that needs to be done to me. You've got quite a little habit of self mutilation, haven't you? First punching walls, now this." The gaze in his eyes was amazingly intense; one of his eyebrows raised and the side of his mouth slightly quirked in a smile. "I hope I don't see you doing it again, or…"

"Mmrr mmrph?"_ Or what? _My words were muffled, but the question in my eyes was clear. Sirius chuckled at the slightly challengingly way I looked up at him.

"Oh, Remus, you don't want to find out." Sirius removed his hand from my mouth. He bent and brushed his lips against my jaw, and I could feel his quickened breathing as he moved towards my mouth. Day was breaking outside, but morning could wait a while.

Sirius baffled me, perplexed me, mystified me, and bewildered me in every possible way. Even _I _confused me. But it was strange – the more confusing my life got, the more I seemed to enjoy it.


	7. Breakfast

**NOTE: **_Sorry it's been so long! More coming soon!_

I stood behind Sirius, shifting from foot to foot. I wondered if he expected me to sit next to him, or if I should go find somewhere else to eat breakfast. We'd stayed in the dormitory as long as possible, lying together with the hangings drawn while people awoke and dressed around us. It was only after everyone else had already gone down to breakfast that we had emerged. My arm felt better, but was still sore, and the whole arm twinged painfully from wrist to elbow whenever I so much as moved my fingers. There had been a rather awkward moment when Sirius noticed me wincing while attempting to button my shirt without using one arm, and failing spectacularly.

"Let me do it," he said, advancing towards me with a grin.

"No! Really, I'm fine!" I protested, backing away. "I can do it one-handed." I struggled to do up the shirt, continued to fail, and blushed and quickly tried to turn away.

"Oh, you're _fine_, are you?" Sirius said sarcastically. I gave the shirt one more try, all the while making it more and more apparent that I certainly could _not _do it one-handed. "Just let me do it, we're already late. Don't make me come fetch you."

My face burning with humiliation, I walked over to Sirius. His grin widened, and he gently pulled me closer. His fingers brushed my skin as he buttoned up the shirt, and although we weren't touching I could feel the presence of his body close to mine. It was a somewhat flustered pair of students that arrived at the Great Hall for breakfast. And here I was now, standing awkwardly behind Sirius, looking around the Great Hall, wondering how choosing where to sit had become so difficult.

"Sirius, could you please get your shadow to sit down? He's making me nervous." I shot an anxious glance at the speaker - James. Although his tone had been mocking, he met my gaze and gave me what appeared to be a genuine smile. I blushed.

"He was just joking," Sirius muttered with a sigh, reaching up and pulling me down beside him. "Now sit. Eat."

I nervously looked around. James was sitting opposite me, with Peter next to him. Peter was watching me slightly suspiciously, but quickly moved his gaze elsewhere as soon as I caught his eye. James, on the other hand, was casually bantering with Sirius as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I awkwardly turned and looked up at Sirius, feeling confused and out of place. Had I been accepted this quickly? Were Sirius's friends just going to follow his lead without question, and understand this sudden change in our relationship? It all felt incredibly surreal. Sirius caught me looking at him, and gave me a grin of reassurance. I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding, while feeling the usual telltale blush spreading across my cheeks. I wondered if I was going to wake up to find that this had all been some long and complicated dream. To be honest, it wouldn't have surprised me all that much. I ate my piece of toast in a strange sort of trance, trying to sort out everything in my mind while Sirius and James discussed something next to me. I was still lost in my own thoughts when James suddenly addressed me.

"Remus, isn't it?" James had finished his conversation with Sirius and was staring at me inquisitively across the table. I looked up at him sharply, almost dropping my toast. Sirius snorted with laughter.

"Yes, uh, it's Remus. Yep." Even _I _could tell how stupid I sounded.

James chuckled, then leaned towards me and lowered his voice conspiratorially, an amused glint in his eye. "So Remus, marks out of ten?"

"W-what?"

"Marks out of ten, genius. Lily Evans, red-head, to my right." James indicated a red-haired girl sitting a few seats down from him. I peered in the direction he was pointing, rising out of my seat to get a better look.

"What are you doing?!" James hissed, while Sirius yanked me back down into my seat, laughing at James's alarm. I blinked in confusion. James sighed, and ran his hands through his hair agitatedly. "Could you possibly have made that any more obvious?"

"Oh. Sorry"

"Well, now that you've given us all a lesson in raging _un_subtlety, what'd you give her?"

"What do you mean?" I was puzzled. _What would I give her_?

"What'd you rate her out of ten, dearest?" James voice was slow and patronising. I gave him a blank look. "How _attractive _do you think she is, on a scale from one to ten?"

"Oh, right!" I exclaimed finally. James groaned with exaggerated despair.

"Sweet Merlin, Sirius, we've got ourselves a slow one here. How does he even dress himself in the morning?"

Sirius and I exchanged a look. James caught it, and his eyebrows instantly shot up. Peter too watched us with interest.

"Oh dear, what've _you_ two been up to?" James questioned, looking searchingly at both of us in turn. I wriggled nervously in my seat, and Sirius cleared his throat awkwardly.

"On second thought, I'd rather not know." James shook his head sharply, as if clearing it of unwelcome thoughts. "_Anyway_, back to the original topic, give me a number. Seven? Eight?"

"Eight, I guess." I said nervously, after hesitating for several moments. I didn't want to somehow offend anyone.

"An _eight_, eh? That's pretty high. So you think she's attractive?"

"Um, yeah, I suppose."

"But not a nine."

"Uh… no?"

"Oh, right, so you think she's uglier than a nine?"

"W-well, I-"

"You think she's ugly?"

"No I don't!"

"So you _do _think she's a nine?"

"Yes! I mean no! I mean… wait…I don't know!"

"Stop tormenting him, James." Sirius intervened, ruffling my hair playfully. James chuckled at my flustered expression. Peter gave me a nervous smile.

"I'm just joking, Remus. Calm down." James returned to his breakfast, still laughing to himself. Sirius gave my shoulder a reassuring pat and did the same.

I huffed somewhat sulkily, and set about finishing my toast. But a small part of me was jumping about with elation. Short of something ridiculous like James grabbing me into an embrace or Peter giving me a card with "WE'RE MATES NOW" written on the front, there wasn't much more they could have done to show that I was in some way accepted into their group, at least for now. And an even smaller part of me, a tiny, anxious part, began to wonder if this was going to be a permanent thing, something that lasted for more than a couple of days. If I was going to be _friends _with James, Peter, and Sirius. If I was going to eventually be an accepted part of their group.

But that part of me quickly quieted itself, not wanting to get its hopes up. I couldn't assume that this would last. But at least I knew that whatever lay ahead, it couldn't be any worse than before.


End file.
